My stats tell me a lot of people laid eyes on it. Like a lot, a lot. Which is intimidating, and awesome, and humbling, and freaky.
It was written in the context of my world. My community. My people. The people who know me, know my husband, and have journeyed with us.
The people who know my love language is sarcasm. Who know my husband is one of the best catches out there. Who know we are passionate and committed and not embarrassed about what we walk through.
In that context, a lot of things could be assumed about my perspective. Outside of that context, however, like when a blog gets shared and shared and shared and suddenly hundreds of thousands of humans who don’t know me are reading about some of my dark struggles, it gets a little uneasy.
So I want to share a little more with you. A little more context. A little more “us”.
First, you must know that my husband and a mentor of mine both read every word of that blog before I hit “publish”. That was not off the cuff. That was not venting. ANY time you EVER read words about my husband here, you can bet your britches he has read them, prayed over them, and is in agreement with sharing them. Period. There will never be an exception to this.
Sorry for saying “bet your britches”. That was kinda weird.
He and I committed ourselves to a world where connection and intimacy is a priority. We knew back when our fingers were still bare that this would sometimes mean struggle. It would mean mountain tops and valleys. It would mean persistence and honor. We said “I do” and started the trek.
I brought a lot of skeletons into our shared closet that he has faced with grace, maturity, respect, and patience. Oh, so much patience.
We are so different, but we learn how to honor. He doesn’t understand WHY IN THE WORLD I can’t just leave the couch where it is for longer than a few months. But he moves it for me. He likes the pictures on the wall just fine where they are, but he’ll grab his tools take it all apart when I say it HAS to move lest I acquire a twitch.
You know the thing about humanity? Humanity is capable of so much. Just as much as we are capable of hurt and disappointment and evil, we are powerful in love and kindness and creativity. I bet you my husband has his own “oh yeah” list about me. I’m capable of awesome… and of awful.
The great thing about our community, our pastors, is that if we were headed down destruction’s path there would easily be twenty people showing up on our doorstep. It’s beautiful. We are known, protected, and fought for.
If you have commented or emailed me to share your story, thank you. Sincerely. I know that these kinds of issues aren’t usually openly talked about. I know, because most of you told me you felt alone. I know, because when I was first married I felt alone. With each story I read, I can feel the togetherness.
Life is so eccentric. It stretches it’s strong arms out and offers us so much. Sometimes it offers so much pain. Sometimes it offers so much excitement. Sometimes it offers so much learning. And all of humanity, we’re in this together. We can know and be known and share beauty and grace and we can hope in the gospel Story. And THAT….that is worth every word I’ve ever typed.