That Time the World Saw What I Wrote

So, I wrote this blog about marriage.

My stats tell me a lot of people laid eyes on it. Like a lot, a lot.  Which is intimidating, and awesome, and humbling, and freaky.

It was written in the context of my world. My community. My people. The people who know me, know my husband, and have journeyed with us.

The people who know my love language is sarcasm. Who know my husband is one of the best catches out there. Who know we are passionate and committed and not embarrassed about what we walk through.

In that context, a lot of things could be assumed about my perspective. Outside of that context, however, like when a blog gets shared and shared and shared and suddenly hundreds of thousands of humans who don’t know me are reading about some of my dark struggles, it gets a little uneasy.

So I want to share a little more with you.  A little more context. A little more “us”.

First, you must know that my husband and a mentor of mine both read every word of that blog before I hit “publish”. That was not off the cuff. That was not venting. ANY time you EVER read words about my husband here, you can bet your britches he has read them, prayed over them, and is in agreement with sharing them. Period. There will never be an exception to this.

Sorry for saying “bet your britches”. That was kinda weird.

He and I committed ourselves to a world where connection and intimacy is a priority. We knew back when our fingers were still bare that this would sometimes mean struggle. It would mean mountain tops and valleys. It would mean persistence and honor. We said “I do” and started the trek.

I brought a lot of skeletons into our shared closet that he has faced with grace, maturity, respect, and patience. Oh, so much patience.

We are so different, but we learn how to honor. He doesn’t understand WHY IN THE WORLD I can’t just leave the couch where it is for longer than a few months. But he moves it for me.  He likes the pictures on the wall just fine where they are, but he’ll grab his tools take it all apart when I say it HAS to move lest I acquire a twitch.

You know the thing about humanity? Humanity is capable of so much. Just as much as we are capable of hurt and disappointment and evil, we are powerful in love and kindness and creativity. I bet you my husband has his own “oh yeah” list about me. I’m capable of awesome… and of awful.

The great thing about our community, our pastors, is that if we were headed down destruction’s path there would easily be twenty people showing up on our doorstep. It’s beautiful. We are known, protected, and fought for.

If you have commented or emailed me to share your story, thank you. Sincerely. I know that these kinds of issues aren’t usually openly talked about. I know, because most of you told me you felt alone. I know, because when I was first married I felt alone. With each story I read, I can feel the togetherness.

Life is so eccentric. It stretches it’s strong arms out and offers us so much. Sometimes it offers so much pain. Sometimes it offers so much excitement. Sometimes it offers so much learning. And all of humanity, we’re in this together. We can know and be known and share beauty and grace and we can hope in the gospel Story. And THAT….that is worth every word I’ve ever typed.

 

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7 thoughts on “That Time the World Saw What I Wrote

  1. I’m one of the rascals that shared, reblogging your last posting. It caught my attention when WordPress made it one of the most popular blogs that day– that’s how I came to know of it. About the rest– your experience was so much the opposite of mine that it’s not funny. No– I haven’t spilled all on my marriage and divorce– I don’t believe a lot of what happened and I was there, how could I get anybody else to know. But— I was impressed by what you do right, and if you keep doing that you should be able to stay married a good, long time.

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  2. Oh I shared too! You touched my heart in a place where I have sat with my own husband so many, many times. In fact when I shared with him he commented that I could have written it myself–if only I were as gifted a writer as you. Thank you so much for your honesty and willingness to be open and share. You have touched many….

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  3. I actually started a new blog with two intents: 1) reblog your blog. 2) possibly get back into blogging myself. So far, I’ve only done #1.

    We need people who are being real and transparent about marriage – about their marriage and how they’re allowing God to lead them through it – all of it. Keep doing what you’re doing. I’ll probably keep reblogging. 🙂

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  4. Add me to the “guilty” list of sharing. It was a brilliant post and my love language is also sarcasm so I didn’t think less of either of you. I think that your love shined through beautifully and that your words were a gift to many who are struggling. I pray–a lot–and I believe it is the most under-used tool in the tool-box given to us by the Father. Many blessings to you and the Hubby. May prayer continue to be the thread that binds you to God.

    Ecclesiastes 4:9-12New International Version (NIV)

    9 Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
    10 If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
    But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
    11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?
    12 Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
    A cord of three strands is not quickly broken

    Much love,

    trblmkrtess

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  5. You two are so fortunate to have people in your life who will show up on your doorstep if you start down the wrong path. At our church we are starting a marriage mentoring program to give every couple another couple who champions their marriage. Hardly organic, but so important.

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  6. Lots of people saw it because lots of people could so relate to it! Transparency and vulnerability are much talked about in Christian circles, but its usually just lip service. You were funny and real, but the under everything you said there was a current of respect and love. I shared, then saw friends sharing, then friends of friends sharing…we relate! 🙂

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  7. Thank you for your honesty. I appreciate the truth in the words you write. I appreciate that your husband is on board with what your posting. Marriage can be ugly at times, but that’s when God’s grace is so important. Two sinners under one roof. Thanks, friend. Keep encouraging and sharing. It’s nice to know that I am not the only one that struggles too.

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